Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
