He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
