I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
