Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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