Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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