Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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