just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
