Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
