You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
