Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
