I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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