It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
