Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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