I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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