Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
