she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
