forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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