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For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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