is your mom at the bar?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
