I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
