Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
