conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize