Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize