Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
