happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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