so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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