i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
