your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize