I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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