You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
