you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
