Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize