just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
