The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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