did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
