they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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