So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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