Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
