drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
