Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
