please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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