2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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