Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
