just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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