I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
