I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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