am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this hospital has no fireball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
