just tell him i said nine months
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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