her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
