So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
