Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
