i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
