I CAN MOONWALK!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
