Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
