so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone shattered a urinal.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
