so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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