sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
