she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
