I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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