My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
