Porn is love you can see.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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