is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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