Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
