People with herpes should wear stickers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
