Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What drink are we having for lunch?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
