I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
