If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize