i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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