If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My cat gives me a boner
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
