they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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