we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
